Showtime
by misaditas
Summary: (9th Doctor & Rose) For Audrey. This fic has no point other than to have as many Stargate SG1 quotes stuffed into it as I can manage. Enjoy. R&R.
1. Big, Ugly Bugs

**A/N:** Audrey mentioned, in a post to my LJ, that Rose keeps 'channeling' Jack O'Neill. So this one's for her and has no point other than to stuff as many Stargate SG1 quotes as I can into a Doctor Who fic. grins

* * *

The TARDIS shook once last time and then settled. The Doctor picked himself off the floor laughing. Rose just sat. In her opinion being flung to the floor each shift was getting _really_ old. She glared at the Doctor, who was checking the dials, giggling to himself.

"You're cracked you are," she informed him.

The manic grin she received in reply seemed to underline the correctness of her statement.

"Seriously. Three fries short of a Happy Meal."

"I'm having fun," he explained.

"How is being flung on your arse fun?" Griped Rose as she stood up and rubbed her backside.

"Depends on your point of view. And whether you need a hand there."

"So what? You're actually doing it on purpose in the hope you can then rub me better?"

The Doctor thought about that. "Well, no," he said slowly. Then he smirked. "But it's an idea."

"Oh for crying out loud," Rose sighed and changed the subject. "Where are we anyway?"

"Ruins of Abroxth."

"What's it like?"

"Ever seen Giza?"

"Pictures of it, yeah."

"Well it's nothing like that."

As Rose exited the TARDIS she found that the sky was a pale pink and the ground a greyish lilac. She poked her foot at the ground; it was gritty, somewhere between sand and gravel. The land was virtually flat, stretching off uninterrupted in every direction bar one. Behind them a range of blue mountains reared up into the sky.

"I guess we're not in Kansas anymore," she quipped.

"Eh?" The Doctor queried, spoiling her moment.

"Never mind," Rose sighed.

They walked towards the mountains. Soon Rose could see huge columns rising into the air.

"That it?"

"Yep."

"Wow."

"Yep."

There were eight columns of green stone, set out a huge rectangle on raised stonework. Rose stared up at the columns, awed. It must have been a temple or something, she decided. She vaguely remembered seeing similar in history books. She reached out and touched the intricate etchings worked into the face.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, stunned.

The Doctor grinned at her. "Yep."

Rose felt a surge of annoyance. "You really excel in being irritating. You're not gonna spoil this for me, so stop up." She turned her attentions back to the etchings. "I wonder what they say," she pondered aloud.

"They're pleas to the fertility goddess," the Doctor murmured next to her ear and making her jump – she hadn't heard him approach. "Prayers for the perfect mate. So it's basically about sex."

Rose found herself blushing, although she wasn't sure why. She had the feeling it might have something to do with the Doctor's proximity; she could feel the heat emanating from him, feel his breath on her neck. An odd sensation tingling through her nerves and she shivered. She strove to break the sudden tension.

"So that's why the columns are so big," she joked, somewhat pathetically. She risked a glance at him.

The Doctor's gaze was wandering over the symbols. Then he looked at Rose and froze her with an intense stare. Then he shrugged. "Maybe," he said and walked off.

Rose slumped against the column, shivering. _Marvellous_, she thought to herself, _bloody marvellous_. She understood the reason for her extreme reaction; somewhere along the line of being dragged away from Autons and seeing the world blow up and finding ghouls in Victorian Cardiff her feelings for the Doctor had gotten… confused. She wasn't in love. Or at least, she didn't think so. But it was… something.

"Aw crap," she muttered to herself. Then she pushed away from the column; she could hear something. Faint and distant, it was a buzzing sound like a fly or a wasp, but much, much louder. Holding a hand to block out the sun, Rose looked round. It took her a moment to place it, but when she did she screamed.

"Doctor!" She yelled in panic. "What the hell is that?"

It was an insect, similar to a dragonfly, but yellow and black. It was huge and it was heading their way.

The Doctor ran over to Rose and grabbed her hand. "That's a big, ugly bug," he told her in a calm tone that made her want to hit him. "I think maybe we should run."

"You reckon?" She retorted as he dragged her away.

The big, ugly bug got closer. Rose could hear the thrumming of its wings. It created a fair amount of downdraft, raising dust and choking them. The Doctor pulled Rose to him, glancing behind them. He found the sonic screwdriver and brandished it with a savage grin.

"What you gonna do with that?"

"No idea. Run!"

"What?"

"The TARDIS. Go on Rose, now!"

Rose ran about ten yards, then skidded to a halt. She turned round to see the bug attacking the Doctor. "Oh god," she whispered. She looked round her desperately. The gravel was all small pieces, with nothing of a decent size to throw. The Doctor fell under the attack. Rose wasn't sure whether he was yelling in pain or anger, but it was one of the two and she had to do something but what?

She kicked the gravel in frustration and then stopped as an idea formed. She bent over and yanked off her trainers. Dashing back over the gravel – which was somewhat painful – she hiked a trainer at the bug. It clobbered it on the head. The bug made a high-pitched screeching noise and backed away from the Doctor.

"Yeah! Take _that_ you ugly son-of-a eek!" Rose's shout cut off as the bug made a beeline for her. She threw her other trainer in pure desperation. By some fortunate chance, it also made contact with the bug's head. It crashed on the ground and twitched. Rose punched the air. "Yes!"

The Doctor got up and rescued the first trainer. He grinned as he came over to her. "Hey that was great," he said warmly.

"I know!" Rose laughed, completely high on adrenaline. She giggled, somewhat on the verge of hysteria.

"Okay, calm down. Here, put these back on," he handed her the trainers. "I'm thinking we ought to get outta here pronto."

Rose plonked on the ground, still giddy with her accomplishment. She shoved her feet back into her trainers and did up the laces. She took the Doctor's outstretched hand, glancing at it as she did so. The euphoria drained as she saw the ugly marks on his hands.

"You're hurt," she said, horrified. She felt the first stirrings of panic.

"Not now Rose," he said firmly. He maintained a grip on her hand. "Let's get outta here before that thing wakes up.


	2. Fishing

In the TARDIS' medical room the Doctor sat on a bed and winced as Rose removed another sting.

"Keep _still_," she grumped for the third time.

"You're hurting me," he retorted.

"S'not my fault, I'm being as careful as I can. You squirming around doesn't help."

"I am not squirming. And next time you entertain the bug while I fling shoes at it."

"Yeah sure ya betchya," Rose replied evenly. "You're just mad cos I came up with a brilliant idea."

"Yes it was fantastic," the Doctor agreed. "Right up to the point where it came for you. I told you to get to the TARDIS."

"Yes, but then who'd have saved your sorry ass?"

"I could have done that myself."

"Yeah _right_."

"Yeah. Right. Believe it or not, but I can look after myself."

"Which is why I'm cleaning these up," Rose stated, gesturing to the stings.

"S'my right hand and I'm right-handed."

"You know I'd love for once to go somewhere where the locals don't want to kill us. Or eat us."

"I told you it was dangerous."

"Hmm. Let's put a little sign at the bottom of the ramp saying 'TARDIS travel may be hazardous to your health'."

"That's not funny."

Rose chuckled, but said nothing. She cleaned up the last sting and placed a plaster on it. "There. All better."

"Hmm. Thanks."

* * *

The Doctor looked at Rose. "Where now then?" They were back in the console room, all set for a new adventure.

"Somewhere relaxing," she stated firmly. "Let's go fishing."

"Fishing?"

"Fishing." She glared at him as he stood there gaping at her. "That means we go fishing for fish, not you standing there doing an impression of one."

"Oh okay," the Doctor blinked and recovered himself. "Fishing. Scotland. Let's go find the Loch Ness Monster."

He span the wheel and pumped the device that Rose had money on being a bicycle pump. The TARDIS began to whine, the pitch climbing up in tone. Then the pitch began to fall. The Doctor looked at Rose. He gave her a bright 'oh shit' smile and tried again. The second attempt was no more successful than the first.

"What's the matter?" Rose asked.

"This thing isn't working."

"Did you check the batteries?"

"Rose!"

"Sorry."

They were third time lucky. Well if you count being flung on your arse lucky. Rose picked herself up again and sighed. "You know, we should rethink this procedure," she told the Doctor. As usual she got no response and she wondered why she bothered wasting her breath. She crossed the floor and opened the TARDIS door. There were purple hills under a blue sky and a huge lake with a surface like glass. She took a deep breath and smelt heather.

"Bloody hell, you did it," she told the Doctor.

"Your confidence in me is fabulous," he replied sarcastically.

"This isn't right," Rose muttered. "You're never this good. What's the year?"

"Shaddup or I'll take you back to the Jurassic and feed you to the dinosaurs."

Rose glanced down at her shorts. "Okay, not enough for Scottish weather," she mused. "I'm gonna go get changed."

Five minutes later and she returned to the console room in jeans and a jumper.

"Oi!" The Doctor protested. "That's one of mine."

"Well I don't have any warm enough. Anyway, there's plenty more. What are you, a jumper whore?"

"There's nowt wrong with 'aving plenty of jumpers. What else have you been pinching? Underwear?"

"Sheesh it's one jumper." Rose rolled her eyes at him. "And not unless the bra's yours."

The Doctor wisely chose not to pursue that one further.

* * *

Hours later they sat on the mossy grass, enjoying the peace and quiet. Or rather Rose sat. The Doctor lay on his back, snoring. Out in the water, the fly from her fishing line bobbed slowly. It was utterly quiet and Rose was enjoying herself. She glanced at the prone figure next to her. Life with the Doctor was certainly interesting. Rather it was hectic, frenetic and downright bloody dangerous. However it was nice just to sit and laze without any need to evade sudden danger.

At a particularly loud snore, Rose gave up on relaxing and stood, stretching the slight stiffness out of her limps. Throwing the sleeping Doctor a disgusted look, she decided to go for a walk and wandered off.

The grass was springy beneath her feet, the air was clear and the sun was warm. Rose revelled in the glorious sunshine and the sheer majesty of her surroundings.

"Rose?"

She heard the Doctor call her name and was struck by a sudden and childish urge to run away. She dashed along the lakeshore, the shale crunching under her feet. A glance over her shoulder revealed the Doctor in close pursuit. Rose squealed in glee and ran faster. However in the end, his legs were longer than hers and he caught her. Their momentum sent them tumbling into the grass. Rose laughed, grabbed a handful of grass and shoved it down his top.

"Oi!" He yelled in protest. "Wha'chya doin?" He stared, all bemused, at the giggling Rose. "And why did you run off?"

"Oh, ah," Rose panted breathlessly. "I just wanted to see if you'd chase me."

"What?"

She shook her head, unable to speak. The Doctor just stared at her while he recovered the grass from out of his jumper. After a moment, he swore and took off his jacket. He pulled the jumper off and shook it. He was annoyed.

"Idiot," he said to her. "I mean, that's just pathetically childish. Gah, there's grass everywhere." He looked at her to find her staring at him. "What?"

"Um," Rose managed. She was unable to take her eyes off her. "Gosh you're a bit…I mean… You never cease to amaze me with all your _talents_."

The Doctor looked at the faint blush on her face and then realised he was half naked. "Well. Doesn't that have a most interesting effect?"


End file.
